45 lessons I learned at 45
On August 15, I turned 46. Apart from turning my birthday into a week-long festival (cos Leo), I also took some time to reflect on the the year just gone.
(Before I get to the list, a heads-up: I’m running free training for my newsletter subscribers this week. It’s on ‘letting go of the fear that holds you back from clarity and courage’. We’ll be covering how to:
Move past impostor syndrome
Turn fear into courage
Transform confusion into clarity
If you’d like access to the free training, just make sure you’ve subscribed to this newsletter. If you know of others who might enjoy it, feel free to forward this article onto them).
Here are the 45 things I learned (or re-learned) as a 45-year-old
Stop waiting for everything to land in place before doing what you’re here to do. To quote Rumi, “you have all the seeds in your barn”. You need only start.
Dream up the life you want. Then believe in that dream. And believe that your belief makes a difference. (As Ted Lasso says, “I believe in believe”).
Take action towards your dreams, but make sure it’s aligned action. (Sometimes aligned action will look like busting your chops to get something out the door. Sometimes it will look like finding a sunny spot and taking time to daydream. Aligned action may not always feel easy, but it will always feel in flow).
Life does not have to be stop-start, good-bad, on-off. There is no need to swing like a pendulum. There is bliss to be found in neutrality. There is wisdom to be found in remembering that life isn’t either/or, it’s almost always both.
Your partner cannot and will never be your everything. It’s designed this way to increase your self-reliance, deepen your friendships and step into patient, unconditional love.
Alcohol doesn’t relieve your anxiety and stress levels; it creates them. It doesn’t add pleasure, it inhibits your ability to feel pleasure. Stop drinking and notice the difference.
(Same goes for sugar).
Live seasonally. Listen to your body to know what season you’re in. Are you in the expansion of Summer, the shedding of Autumn, the fallow hush of Winter or the seed-planting of Spring? Honour that season. Allow it to be. Do not rush it.
Your unconscious mind is running the show so much more than your conscious mind would have you believe. Invest time and energy in identifying the unconscious thoughts that are holding you back, then choose to let them go.
You are so much more than your experiences this lifetime. You come armed with lifetime upon lifetime of soul gifts. You’re here to use them. It’s safe to use them.
This is not the lifetime to stay hidden. This is the lifetime to step forth and rise.
Sometimes there is far less to do than you think there is. Sometimes, your presence is all that is needed.
The ability to make decisions quickly and confidently is worth its weight in gold. Take the time to learn that skill, then use it to forge forward with courage.
You can feel the sorrows of life deeply, and at the very same time you can find comfort in connecting to something much deeper than the ups and downs of day-to-day reality.
You can realise you know nothing for sure, but still have tremendous value to offer other people.
Treat your body like the soft animal it is. Love it, fuel it, rest it, allow it to experience the wonders around it.
You are safe. You are loved. You cannot make a mistake. (It’s hard to believe, but it’s true. In the grand scheme of things, YOU CANNOT MAKE A MISTAKE. Thanks Anita Moorjani for reminding us of this).
Set an intention, then dance with life to make it a reality. Work WITH the universe, not against it.
Listen to your niggles. Even when they’re inconvenient.
Deep, real, raw friendships will lift you up over, and over, and over again. Invest your time, energy, love and vulnerability into these kinds of friendships.
Know what you need but don’t over-indulge in it. Hermit-time is good, for instance. Too much hermit-time is less good.
Notice the beauty in tiny, everyday moments. Seek out this beauty and soak it in.
Finding much beauty in birthday ugg boots from the kiddies Prioritise time in nature. Even when you think you’re too busy.
Meditate daily. Especially when you think you don’t have time.
Lift heavy weights. It helps with perimenopause and increases your energy.
Eat more protein. It helps too.
Understand what happens to our bodies in midlife. Talk about it with others. Learn together.
Depression sucks. You don’t know how much it sucks until you experience it. Talk to your doctor. Explore all the things that might be going on. Get your bloods done. Do what’s needed.
Invest time and energy in learning how to communicate through conflict, including what to do when you get flooded. Do your best to apply these skills, even when you’re flooded and you really don’t want to.
Stop shying away from how powerful you are. Own your power. You won’t use it for evil. It has nothing to do with you. Let it flow through you. Stop bottling it up.
Love yourself deeply for the flawed, ridiculous, incredible human you are.
Love others deeply for the flawed, ridiculous, incredible humans they are.
Make a list of what grounds and uplifts you. Likely on that list: laughter, cuddles, nature, solitude, deeply connecting chats, sex, reading good books, exercise, moments to just be. Remember to fill up on these things regularly.
Surrender more than feels comfortable. Allow life to live through you. Set the direction, yes, but work with the prevailing winds to steer into sunshine. You’re always being guided in the right direction, even if it doesn’t feel like it. The worst thing you can do is fight it. The best thing you can do is flow with it.
Work is meant to feel like play, at least 80% of the time.
Exhaustion should not feel normal. If it does, something is amiss. Listen to your body. Do what it’s telling you to do.
Be curious, not judgemental. (Thanks again, Ted Lasso).
Remain optimistic and hopeful. The hope in your heart creates a light within you that helps the world to see through darkness.
You have a role to play in making this world a better place. Do not doubt this. By harnessing your strengths and chipping away at your impossible dream, you shine a light in a dark room.
It’s the characteristics we associate with the feminine that will save the world. Compassion, empathy, care, listening, long-term planning for the good of all. Prioritise these qualities, unapologetically. If you’re a leader, insist on them at work. If you’re a parent, teach them to your children. Without the feminine leading the way, we’re up shit creek. With it, we have a paddle. With it, we can transform even the most dire problems we’re facing.
Choose belief over doubt and faith over fear. Move ahead knowing that all is well.
Remember that you have the ability to manifest whatever you want when you’re in a state of peace. Practise coming back to peace, then manifest love, abundance, joy and beauty for the good of many.
Do your best to keep your heart open, even when it’s hard. When you can, let it lead the way.
Run-of-the mill shit-scared fear combined with an expansive sense of joy and freedom points you toward what you’re meant to be doing. Icky, manic fear tells you to walk the other way. (Thanks Martha Beck for this insight).
Softness wins. Kindness wins. Love wins.
What is a lesson you’ve learned recently? We’d love to read about it in the comments below.
Wishing you love, as always,
Gemma 💛
Well happy belated birthday to both of us! Yes I had forgotten my own birthday until just now reading your article. 8/15
I enjoyed your article and will be looking forward to to more as a faithful subscriber. 🦁